Christmas with Box Lunch

Here is another band who made it onto "Johnny Sizzle's Entertainment Watch." This video is from Christmas 1991. Box Lunch is like a really low-budget Iron Maiden. The bass player faithfully follows the lead guitar player in most of the songs, and the singer kinda looks like a cross between Axl Rose and Bruce Dickinson. However, I couldn't imagine either one of them writing a goofy song like this:



Yes, it's a heavy metal song about Eggnog. Here's the lyric sheet in both English and French:



With the exception of the extremely silly Eggnog song, Box Lunch actually wrote some decent stuff. The singer wasn't fantastic, but the hooky choruses made up for his extremely repetitive singing style.

Within three years, Box Lunch got themselves a record deal. Now, here's how they fuck it all up...

They got rid of great songs like "Eggnog" and every other song they performed on that Johnny Sizzle episode, they booted out the singer (the bass player took over on vocals), they wrote some shitty new songs, made some cool artwork, photocopied it, and stuck it on the album cover. Then, they gave it a retarded, unmemorable album title, and mass produced it through a little company called "En Guard Records".

Thus, "The Rock Box, The Pebble Pusher, A Pitbull" was born:



I'm not shitting you, this is what the album cover looks like on the glossy insert paper.

When I bought this album last summer at a garage sale for $1, I was quite anxious to hear it. After listening to a few songs, I shut it off. With songs such as "Begginnerring Boss", "2 Chord Jazz", and "2 Chord Twang", you know you're going to shut it off before reaching the end.

The album sucks camel balls. If you don't believe me, click here to listen to "Ern's New Vocation" from the CD.

I have no clue when Box Lunch disbanded, but judging from how terrible this album is, it probably wasn't too long after it was recorded and released. It's a shame they didn't make this album when they were at their tightest back in 1991 when "Eggnog" was destined for the.... well, not the charts, but at least it was interestingly stupid.

If you want to hear the more serious side of Box Lunch (and emphasize how crappy their album was), here's another track from the Johnny Sizzle episode (audio only)

Some Interesting Finds This Week

I'm putting up my Christmas entry on the first of December (hopefully), so I figured I'd fill the time with some interesting stuff I've come across during the week.


Iced Tea from Taiwan



I had a client give me a couple of these drinks while I was doing some work for him. I usually enjoy trying new things, but I have to admit, I was a little bit afraid when I initially took a sip of the Green Tea. I didn't want to offend him by making a yucky face, but I lucked out - it wasn't too bad.

The reason why I was a initially afraid was because of an experience I had trying a new drink. Many Canadians shop at a store called "The Real Canadian Superstore" and they have an aisle dedicated to "Foods from Around The World". My dad shops at Superstore, and always buys the stuff that has been tossed in the "Reduced to Clear" bin.

One day (when I was a teenager), he came home with a load of groceries. He said "Here, try this drink I bought for ten cents." It was a bottle of Poppy Seed Juice. Of course, not being afraid of trying anything new, I took a long swig. My eyes bulged, and I immediately spit it out in the sink. And there's my dad, sitting there laughing at me. If you've ever eaten a dozen roses, you'll know exactly what it tastes like. On the plus side, my breath smelled like grandma's flower bed.

Anyway, back to the iced tea. I figured I'd look at the ingredients to see what was in it and noticed the instructions. Not only does this drink quench your thirst, but it also predicts the weather:



Service Instructions for RCA DVD Recorder (Model DRC8052NB)

I got a job to transfer some home videos for a friend of a friend, and I've been having trouble with the two DVD recorders I own. They're both acting goofy in the same way, so I emailed RCA's customer service and asked if there was any firmware updates. They didn't give any, but they sent me these instructions on how to reset the unit:

There are no firmware updates for these models.

You can try to reset the unit using the procedure below:

Let the unit sit with the AC power cord out of the wall for a couple of hours. Then hit the power button 10-15 times (with the AC power cord still out of the wall socket!) and then try again.

Really, really bizarre.


Creepy Corkscrew



I bought this creepy looking Sommelier corkscrew for three dollars which came in it's original plastic case. The reasons I bought it were: 1) It's creepy and 2) it looked like it was silver plated (it was sealed in a bag when I found it, so I couldn't really tell). Turns out that it IS silver plated, and some antique websites have valued this thing between $100-$200. Nice!


Book: The Vanishing Redhead



This is just wrong, especially for a children's book. It has a copyright year of 1948, and was published by Raphael Tuck & Sons LTD. I haven't read it. The book is barely being held together by it's original paper and glue, the pages are very yellow, and the printing is a bit blurry. However, I don't doubt that it's chok full of political incorrectness. I could just imagine an ad for this company:

Hey Kids! If you liked The Vanishing Redhead, here are some other derogitory books you might enjoy:

The Magical Nigger
The Faggot God Killed
The Rice-Picking Gook
Spongebob Squarehead's Concentration Camp

Available at a bookstore run by a local Whitey.

Album Review: Group Therapy (8-Track Porn)

If you are offended by anything of a sexual nature, then you shouldn't be reading my blog. Please leave now.
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...Now that we got rid of all the pussies, let's continue...




"Group Therapy" is a fun album I picked up a few years ago. It was just sitting out in the open on a shelf with other 8-tracks by Perry Como, Nana Mouskouri, and the Village People. When I saw the title, I picked it up with curiousity. Here's what's on the back of it:



Naturally, I bought it. Turns out it's a "stag album" from the 1970s. It's probably the funniest tape in my collection!

These tapes are a bit difficult to find. This is the only one I've ever seen in real life. There are others out there, and 8-track heaven has a small page devoted to these tapes. You can check them out if you click here.

Now, I'll shut up and let you listen to some of the album

CLICK HERE (if you're over 18 and not psychologically disturbed)

Album Review: Funtown with Petite & Mayor Bob!

This is an album I initially purchased at the neighbor's garage sale when I was around five years old. Of course, my copy has since been scratched to shit and went up in the house fire. I got this copy at a thrift store (naturally).

Mayor Bob (Bob Swarts) had a local television show here in Winnipeg. The other main characters (puppets) were Petite the dog, Marvin Mouse, and a wooden dummy named Archie Wood. The show was cancelled A couple years after I got this album. A couple years after the show was cancelled, Mayor Bob died. (As a side note, the show was basically replaced with another one called "S'kiddle Bits" hosted by Joey Gregorash)

This album is music piracy at it's very best. If you look at the track listing, you may recognize some of the songs on it. The truth is, these songs are ALL the original recordings by the artists who made them popular (the exception is Put Your Hand In The Hand). You'll also notice that there is NO CREDIT given to the musicians who recorded these songs. Instead, they're all credited to either "Marvin" or "Petite"



Marvin's songs are all unaltered recordings (with the occasional audible tape dropout). However, to achieve Petite's higher pitched voice, the original 33 RPM record releases are played at 45 RPM!

To give credit where credit is due, here's the track list with the CORRECT musicians credited:

1) Zippity Do Da - This one is actually Marvin Mouse's voice but I don't know the backing track
2) Walking My Cat Named Dog - Norma Tenega
3) Raindrop Keep Falling On My Head - BJ Thomas
4) Snowbird - Anne Murray
5) The Thing - Phil Harris
6) England Swings - Petula Clark
7) Loving You Has Made Me Bananas - Guy Marks
8) Please Don't Eat The Daisies - Doris Day
9) You're Sixteen - Ringo Starr
10) Put You're Hand In The Hand - (I'm guessing this is Anne Murray's version)
11) Gonna Boogie Tonite - Tony Orlando & Dawn
12) Sing High, Sing Lo - Anne Murray

As we can see, Mayor Bob had a hard-on for Anne Murray albums.

There is no copyright listed (probably a good thing) and there is no year of release. I can only guess that this came out in the mid to late 1970s given that Mayor Bob mentions that You're Sixteen "came out recently" (it actually came out in late '73). However, Sing High, Sing Low was released in 1977.

For your enjoyment, I've taken a page out of the book of Mayor Bob and have put Side 2 up on the net for your listening enjoyment. I think Side 2 has the more interesting songs. Unfortunately, to meet Houndbite's 15 minute limit, I've cut out the intro and closing music, and cut the shitty "Put your hand in the hand" song short. Other than that, it's fun listening to the stupid dialogue between the songs, and Anne Murray singing like she got fucked up on speed and sucked on a helium balloon.

Click Here to Listen!

On a side note, if you can find the full version of "Loving You Has Made Me Bananas", get it. That song is cool, and Mayor Bob chopped off the beginning.

I also had another album called "Petite Sings", but I'm still searching for a copy that doesn't look like it was used as a crazy carpet on a gravel hill. I do, however own a copy of the Christmas album in mint shape. Perhaps I'll post about it when Christmas is just a bit closer.

If you have the tolerance to watch a full episode of Fun Town, there's one here.

My Oldest Piece of Computer Hardware

I've been home sick most of the week, so I figured I'd kill some time by writing a new blog entry. What I'm about to show you is the largest, most useless thing I own, and I'm quite proud to own one. I've come across many ancient pieces of computer history in my time which included cylinder hard drives and magnetic tapes galore, but this item is quite special...

Behold!



It's a punched paper tape reader made by Decitek / OK Tool & Machine Corp. It measures 23" x 21" x 11" and weighs approximately one ton. This particular machine has 8 sensors for data reading, making it one of the more technologically advanced versions (HA HA HA). So, how the hell did I end up with this thing?

My previous workplace manufactured electronic circuit boards. They used this thing to control a wire wrap machine. Wire wrap went the way of the dodo back in the 1970s in favor of printed circuit boards. My workplace held onto this equipment because the boss didn't like to throw anything away. You should see the crap that collected in that place.

Not too long before I switched jobs, they did an extensive cleaning of the place. The paper tape reader along with a piece of the wire wrap machine were slated for the BFI bin. I happily threw the other piece of this machine into the dumpster, but I didn't have the heart to throw out the reader, so it ended up in the back of my truck (along with a few bags of pre-cut wire)

One of the reasons I didn't keep the entire machine is because it was incomplete, and the other piece of it was larger than the this thing. I also had no desire to keep a phenomenal amount of shit in my garage.



Here's the back of it. I believe that this is actually a rack mount reader put into a case along with a specially designed interface for the wire wrap application. To my dismay, the cables to connect this thing were nowhere to be found. When powered up, this thing makes a sound like nothing else I've ever heard. It sounds like.... well, like a computer lab from the 1970s.



When I peek through the vents on the top, I see a 25 pin male connector. I'm led to believe that it's an RS232 port, but without a paper tape (nor the desire to take this thing apart), I cannot prove this. It would be nice to have a paper tape to try the thing out, but they cost a small fortune on Ebay. Perhaps I'll run across some one day when I least expect it.

It's too bad I don't have the punching machine because I have a BASIC computer program in one of my old computer books that will write text on the tape:



Could you imagine installing Windows off paper tape? It would take months to do it, and probably hundreds of rolls of tape!